Arguments

Arguments in a relationship are healthy. What's unhealthy are arguments that occur too often or no arguments at all. If you find yourself in any of these categories, it would be good to assess your relationship and find the cure before something worse arises.

When arguments occur too often, 1 of 2 things happen.
1. You constantly argue about the same thing. If its money matters, the inlaws, or even bedroom disputes, its time to communicate and come to a common ground. Express how your mate makes you feel in this situation. NEVER point blame or make your mate feel guilty for it all. Try working through it together. List what is wrong and then list possible ways to solve the problem. Actively put in suggestions as well as actively listen to your partner.
2. If you argue a lot about meaningless things you should put the petty differences aside to build on your relationship. A relationship is about give and take. You've gotta give a little to get somewhere.

Not arguing at all means the communication in your relationship is dead. It means that you feel you cant open up to your partner about things beneath the surface. No communication means no trust and if you cant trust your partner with emotional information then what is your relationship built on? Your mate is there to help you work through these things and you both won't always agree so arguments are healthy.

Asset Equivalence

Everyone is searching for that one person that makes them a better person. But when we want someone who has way more than what we have isn't that a little far fetched? I mean if you dont have a job, a car, a house; then why are you looking for someone with all those things plus a six figure salary? We all want to feel like princes and princesses but whats wrong with having someone with the same asset equivalence as you? If you have a job and a car but you live with your parents why do you expect your significant other to exceed those basic items? Sometimes I think we dont find the one we are looking for because we are looking over them. We want someone who has more but we can always get someone to grow with. Dont write someone off just because they dont have what that ideal mate in your head has. Give them a chance, they could have all the assets you've been looking for all along.

The "Friend" Zone

Logically speaking, nobody likes being put in the friend zone. You finally put yourself out there and tell the person you like that you would like to hang out sometime. They might say yes but in a totally platonic way which could be miserable for you. They never really gave you a shot to be just more than a friend.

I asked a couple of guys what they think about girls putting them in the "friend" zone. They say that we have this type of guy in our heads and if a guy approaches us and he's not even close to that guy in our mind, we see him as a friend. We say things like "Aw, you're a great friend" or "You're like a brother to me" and that's a big sign to show that you have just entered the "friend" zone.

But what if it's other elements? What if it's a confidence thing like we don't think we're good enough for you or that you don't see us as datable? What if we put you in the "friend" zone before you put us in your "friend" zone. Dating means taking a risk and most of us are not willing to risk our hearts for something like this. So we wait until we find something close to perfect. Is the "friend zone even worth all that? Maybe we just need to grow some balls and approach that guy that makes us weak in the knees. Or develop a softer heart give that guy a chance because he did build up the nerves to ask us out. Why not see how it goes?

In love or in love with the thought of being in love?

Which one are you?

At the end of the day, everyone just wants someone so they don't have to die alone. It's typical to want to be in love but when you find that special someone are you just happy you're with someone or are you happy that that someone is your special someone?

It's just like when you see all your friend happy and full of bliss. And you're always the one needing to find a last minute date for a dinner party. Or the one in the group who declines the +1 invite because you don't have a +1. And then to rush it all, you decide that the next person you're with is the one you'll be with for the rest of your life. Despite the fact that you guys have nothing in common. Or that you both argue nonstop because it's absolutely impossible for you to agree. And where's that bliss all of your friends had when your were the odd ball sitting around watching them snuggle? Is the thought of being in love more important than personal happiness?

I think love is unexplainable. When you have it, you just know. And that person is perfect even though they're full of flaws. And nothing is too big to tear you guys apart. With that person, it really does feel like it's only you two in it and the sky is the limit. You're the dynamic duo in this crazy thing we call life and no one can tell you otherwise.

With true love, that 7 year itch of marriage is just a minor tick. And that 20 year scuffle is but a mere scratch. The thought of being in love was far from your mind when you met them but somehow you found love and at this point you never want to let it go. It's a beautiful thing. Everyone should get a chance to feel it. Because it's the closest we have to magic.

Over-Bearing Mother-in-Law

Have you seen Monster-in-Law? Jennifer Lopez gets my goat every time I watch the big fight on her wedding day. Marriage is already rough. An impossible mother-in-law makes it no better. But it is true that when you get married, you're marrying the whole family. That includes sneaky uncle Mack, Busy body Aunt Betty and Unappeasing Mom. A mom makes her judgment on her child's mate within the first 30 seconds of meeting them. They usually never change their opinion no matter what suck up things you do. The first Mamas to break are the Mama's boys mamas. The bond is too strong to break so you either deal with it or remove yourself from the situation. Then it's the mamas who shelter their kids. These mamas need bribes and you need to be stern with them but don't be disrespectful. You love their child and you would never do anything to hurt them, they need to know this. What about the nosey mamas? You've seen them. They are really living their lives through their children so when the big day comes up and she suggests you use ivory instead of white this has absolutely nothing to do with you. If these mamas don't like you they have no problem showing it. They want what's best for their child yet they are forgetting that you are an important factor now that you're getting married or have been married for some time now. Being respectful around them is a big one but make sure that you are also receiving respect. If your mate refuse to speak with their mom about the issue then they are either unphased by it or too afraid to face their mom. This can become a huge problem for your relationship but you must remember that there are bigger trenches than mom. For those of you with great MILs I am totally happy for you! And those of you still wanting to run your MIL over with your care every Thanksgiving all I can say is good luck.

How Many is Too Many?

Today's topic is a little out of my experience so I decided to do some research to figure things out. How many sex partners must someone have before they're deemed undatable?

It seems that people make their cutoff number based off their number of sex partners. So if someone has slept with 5 people dating someone who's slept with 25 is a lot and they might not feel comfortable dating someone with that  many unless they're searching for someone with a lot of experience. But if that same person was to date someone who had 45 partners then that doesn't make their number seem as big.

So maybe there is no magic number but there is a personal number and it doesnt really matter how many people you've slept with, somebody will find your number to be normal.

Dealing With a Stalker or a "Bugaboo"

We all have done it. Even I'm guilty of it. A guy or girl has asked you for you number and you give it to them. Maybe you already knew things weren't gonna work and you gave them a chance or maybe you knew it was gonna be a mistake but you gave it to them anyway. Either way they have your number and you just can't get them off your back. They text you constantly. They call you more than twice a day and sometimes they don't even give you enough time to return the call before calling back. They are just as aggrivating as a bunch of roaches! They are persistent. They are continuous. And no, they don't know the meaning of the word no. Scary enough, some take it to the next level by memorizing your schedule, sitting outside your house, annoying your friends and family by asking about you, and relentlessly trying to win your love and affection. Some are more subtle and may not be aware that they are bugaboos but they constantly call and text even after you've nicely told them to tone it down a bit. They don't mind expressing their true feelings even though you've told them a hundred times that you don't share the same feelings. So you need a plan and you need one quick before things get out of hand. To get rid of them you have to be defiant. Not aggressive but show them that you mean what you say. Sometimes you might have to threaten them with a restraining order. Others need just a little shove. Changing your number will only work temporarily because in huge cases they find your number and in smaller ones, they always seem to run into you asking for your number. Most people use the "oh my phone is off right now." others go for the punch and say "I do not wish to give out my number." Sometimes people bring out the really big guns and fuss them out just to give them a scare. Whatever the solution the outcome is never pretty and you feel bad for a little bit but them not bothering you anymore feels great! I feel there is no ultimate solution for this problem. For future refrences, think twice before giving out your number and watch out for the weirdos. They have the same traits as normal people but their weird tendencies come out later on. Good luck and this post will not help you avoid them. Let's be real about the situation, you can't exactly duck and cover when they come running you just have to go through the process.