Expectations

Today's post is very important. Our relationships are often built on expectations. We expect so much of our partner ans when the outcome isn't what we want, we get mad. No person on this earth has the ability to please their partner 100% of the time or they are fake. So let me get something straight, when your partner is doing their best but fail to meet your expectations, give them credit. I know myself my expectations are kinda tight but I don't expect them to be fulfilled. I do however, expect at least half to be fulfilled and that's possible. If your sweetie expected you to be a superhero, you can't be one. You can dress like one and act like one and even go the extra mile of demonstrating one. But at the end of the day, you are no superhero but your sweetie should be happy you tried and you did make a fool of yourself for them which says a lot about you.

Time For You

Being with your sweetie makes you feel amazing, I know. If you could attach yourself to their hip it would be so great... maybe not. As much as being with them feels good, you still need time for you. You must have time to think about them and you can't do that if you two are always together. That quality time together is important in building your relationship but too much quality time can become annoying. Nobody is perfect and there are quirks that you can't stand about your sweetie.  These quirks can come out real quick and start bouncing on your last nerve. That causes petty arguments. So take time for yourself. Read a book, watch a movie, play video games, go shopping, do some yoga. Do something without them. And then when you two do get back with each other, you will find that you guys have something to talk about.

Getting Over An Ex

Everybody is different. Nobody takes the same exact healing process. Some of us heal quickly while others are wounded for a very long time. Healing also depends on the circumstance of the break up, who did the breaking up and how much did the person meant to you. There's a little saying that goes: time heals all wounds. It true and through times you will have to complete all of these steps to get over your ex.
1. Acceptance
Accept the fact that you guys are through. You guys may get back together but just in case you don't, accept it now.
2. Deal With It
Once you have accepted that it's over, it's time to deal. Cry, get angry, laugh, shout, jump around, whatever you have to do to get through the fact that you two have broken up.
3. Love You
You have shed the last of your tears, thrown the last of your punches. You are ready to love the one and only person who as been there for you since day on-- you. Don't play the blame game and put it all on yourself. Don't start hating yourself for how the relationship went. Love yourself so everyone else around you can love you too.
4. Put The Past Behind
He/She is gone. I know it sucks but by now in the healing process if they wanted you they would've tried to make it work by now. So be friends or do whatever but put that chapter behind you. Say lesson learned and work on the future.
5. Find Something/Someone to Fill the Void
I'm not advocating that you be a slut and sleep with someone else 5 minutes after the breakup. Once you have completed the other four steps, you will be completely over your ex. Maybe there is a hot guy who wants your number, give it to him but take things slow. Maybe the cute chick on the elevator deserves a chance let her in, you don't hurt anymore. If there is no one, take up a hobby. You miss having someone less when your schedule is filled with interesting things to do. Don't forget to take time for yourself. Of course that is another blog for another time.

Getting Back At Your Ex

I know he really hurt you. She really messed with your heart. The easiest thing to do would be to set their house on fire or perhaps run them over with a car. Yes, it's the easiest but definitely not the best thing to do. As people, we go on impulse. Someone make us angry, we find a way to get them back. Someone makes us happy, we make them happy and so forth. Revenge is just not the answer when it comes to a broken heart. Women are known for keying a man's car. She feel she has every right to, she is very hurt. But how about taking another approach to the situation. How about showing your ex that you are strong. Get dressed up, go out with your friends, have a good time, flirt and date. If you have a run in with your ex, introduce your date nicely and walk away with pride. Give them your best "I have moved on look" and turn away. We cant always inflict pain upon people to make us feel better. You might feel better while you're doing it but trust me, you will still have a broken heart. Don't go around hating the world because you have a broken heart. Your ex wants to see you down. Try your best to stay upbeat. Most of all don't make your ex your entire world. AL you talk about is them, all you think about is them, without them you want to die. All of that is unnecessary and until you realize that there is a wonderful world around you and there is more going for you, all you're going to see is your ex. I know it's hard getting over someone but you have to try to be a strong person or you will never flee from their trap. Getting over an ex is another blog saved for another time.

Don't Be the Reason For a Breakup

Too often, couples break up over foolishness. He said she said, misunderstandings,past arguments, and friends' opinions. One thing that cuts out 75% of that foolishness is to remember who is in the relationship. Two people. You and your lover. Don't let outside people become extra weight in your relationship. It's cool to get your best friend's opinion on your sweetie or to conversate with you buddies about your new love interest. But don't let those opinions and ideas become the sole reason for your break up. If and when you do have a good reason to break up, try to break up the healthy way. Don't blame each other for everything. Don't demand things from your partner and expect results within seconds. And don't bring up the past to make your point about whatever you are breaking up with them for. In a healthy break up, you let each other speak. Hear that person out before jumping the gun on them. Then explain what hurts you about the situation. Next try to come to a compromise about what to do about the problem. If you can't work things out then break up mutually. Meaning make sure both of you want to end the relationship or feel that you need to end it. You should walk away as friends not enemies wanting to plot revenge on one another. Getting back at an ex is another blog for another time.

Trust

I have a friend, lets call her... Suzie. Suzie has a boyfriend. Let's call him... Chad. Suzie and Chad have been dating off and on for about four months and now Suzie has completely lost trust for Chad. When he is not with her, she thinks he's up to no good. She always asks me what I think and I put myself into her shoes and think about what I would do if I thought my man was cheating. Here is what I came up with. Cheaters are innocent until proven guilty. You can search phones, pockets and laptops all day but most likely you will find exactly what you're looking for. A good relationship has trust. You can't be around each other 24/7 to know exactly what one another is doing all the time so you have to trust that your sweetie is staying faithful. I told Suzie that if she asks him questions about what he's doing and his story is not straight then there is a red flag. On the other hand she needs to understand that if he feels that he is not being trusted he will most likely step out and find someone who will. Overbearing pushes you sweetheart away. Give them a reason to hold you closer. Trust is number one in a relationship and you can never feel you're being told the truth if you can't trust. When does suspicion turn into paranoia? When you get like Suzie. She is constantly accusing Chad of sleeping with someone else and keeping tabs on him. That is a BIG no no in the world of relationships. Your sweetie needs to know they can be trusted. Don't make triple threats because nothing may be going on. Chad may just want some time to himself, which is okay. And then in her case he may be slowly drifting away from their relationship because he feels he can't be trusted. Don't be the reason for your break up. That will be the topic for another blog, another time.